Dear Call Of Duty, It’s Been Good, But Our Love Affair Is Over

“Hello, hey COD, what’s up?” Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. I know we’ve been in love for a very long time, but for some reason I haven’t been feeling the same as I’ve felt in past times. I, I…I don’t know how to say this so bare with me…. I, I’m seeing someone else.”

“Please, don’t get mad! Hello? Did COD just hung up on me? Ah crap! Let me dial again. Hello? COD? Why did you hang up? Because you can’t believe it? Come on! I’ve been telling you to change for a very long time but you wouldn’t listen to me! We’ve been making the same love for over 7 years! There’s no excitement here! It was was good, I’d scream for you when we’d get together. You were also the best-looking, hottest girl on the block. But you’ve refused to change in recent years.

You’ve gotten complacent, you’ve used the same engine for too long, and now, our passionate love-making have become stale. Dead. Boring. Repetitive. It’s become damn shameful and unsatisfying. AND DON’T WANT YOU ANY LONGER!

You want one more year? I don’t have such patience, woman! I need good loving and I need it now! That’s why I’ve turned to Battlefield 3; she’s so caring. She loves me. You should see her. She’s the best-looking woman in town. Her colors are so flawless you’d think they were divinely created. Her walls are destructible, her maps are engaging, her vehicles are amazing – and her sound…oooh! You should hear her call my name!

Battlefield 3 is the most exciting woman I’ve met since, well, you, Call of Duty. And I feel it’s time we part ways. I love you still, but I’ve met someone better. What, will I come back when you upgrade? It depends, woman. But as of now, it’s over between us.

And please don’t bombarded my Instagram with DLC pics. They’re not what I what. Goodbye.